Second Time Mummy
Do I see myself as a mother of two?
Yes, I suppose I do in the future. I have ALWAYS wanted children and when people ask how many I want, for some reason I always reply three. Much to my mums dismay (who is one of three and claims to have the horrific ‘middle child syndrome’).
I still think I would like that. In an ideal world. When I was pregnant with Imogen I was asked this question a lot and I always replied with ‘we’ll see, this one might change my mind!’
Now I know things don’t always go to plan and plans change depending on life choices but right now, I can’t imagine stopping at one.
I am one of three. I have an older brother, my hero. Then when I was 15 my little best friend came along. My younger brother. So you could say I am also a middle child, but the age gap makes it easier. Plus I am the only girl, therefore an angel.
I don’t disagree at all with people who only want one child. Whilst I know it’s not what I would choose. I now understand why more than ever. I also think your own childhood can sometimes impact on what you want in your own family. My memories are not only with mum, dad and grandparents, they are with my brother. Even if a lot of those memories are beating each other up. There are so many fun ones. He was basically the person I played with, got into trouble with, watched drake and josh with and confided in. I mean he even used to brush my hair.
All of that makes me long for a family full of children, watching them all make their own memories together. On the other hand I know only children who feel having a one on one with parents for ever was the best thing ever for them. Dan for instance, he is an only child and has always been so close to his mum. Although, luckily for me, Dan wants more than one!
I know sometimes life takes you on a journey of it’s own and fate may have other plans for you. While having more would be more than I had ever hoped for, I still count myself SO lucky for having Immy. She is our little piece of heaven. And always will be. But I am your stereotypical, I would have as many as possible if i had all the money in the world…and all the patience in the world.
Going back to understanding having one child more than ever…Imogen has opened my eyes to this whole new world. When I think about having more children my mind instantly goes to a place where it just doesn’t seem possible to love anything or anyone else like I love her. I know that is a normal thing to feel and I can almost feel the moment that changes. Now I know how it feels to meet your child for the first time, I can see how those feelings would disappear immediately.
But I think maybe that is something we all have to find out for ourselves, is a first child different to your second, as they have taught you how to become a mother, given you all of your firsts. In the same way that your last one may be different to others as they are your baby? Or are those all myths. Hopefully, one day I will be able to let you know.
Then onto the other debate that I think of in my head…
The Age Gap! So many people say the closer the better and then there are those who say 5 years plus is nice as they are able to help out with the baby.
I always thought I would like around 2 years between all of my children. If I can choose, that is. I would 100% go for two under two if I didn’t dislike pregnancy/birth so much. When I say disliked, I didn’t hate it by any means and I am forever grateful but I found it so hard. I’m sure two under two can feel like hell on some days but I would probably go for it if I felt physically ready.
The bigger age gap, I don’t think I would choose. In some situations it just works out that way, and if for any reason situations change, then I won’t mind if there is a bigger age gap. But by choice, I think I would like to get the baby years done together. I want to be fresh into washing bottles, changing nappies, weaning and sleepless nights. I don’t want to go back to that when guidelines have changed and I am out of practice.
Some people have also asked if I will wait longer because I am younger. NOPE, we have a child now, I think I am most prepared now than I ever will be. I am full of energy (excluding the odd zombie day), I am healthy and absolutely love being a mum. I honestly think it was all I was ever meant to be. I am not career driven, I am not world wide travelling driven (holidays are nice though) however, ever since I was old enough to say ‘baby’ I knew that was all I ever wanted. My own family, to look after and love unconditionally. So that, my friends, is how I hope to make my dreams come true.
Thanks for reading…Anna xx